Help! I’m ghosting myself! #AskAvery

Dear Avery, 

I feel like a sim in someone else’s game. I’m not in control; I’m just going through the motions of life. Any tips on how to feel more like me and get a hold of the reins? 

Your Friend,

Lost Lady

Dear Lost Lady, 

BEEN THERE DONE THAT! Literally this might be the most normal feeling in the world, and one of the most unsettling.

I think it is a big part of the human experience! We’re constantly doing things we don’t want to do (yikes!) and it is easy to fall into zombie mode. So never fear, I am here to help out (as always *hair toss*) and get you back to the most you-you…possible. 

Go off the grid, even just for a morning

As Kanye West once said, “we off the grid, grid, grid, grid.” Maybe he was onto something. I hate to sound like my mom and every mom ever, but keeping up an online presence and ‘always being on our damn phones’ can be exhausting.

If we don’t feel connected to the persona we are putting out into the world, we obviously aren’t going to feel like ourselves. It might be helpful to get off your phone and figure out who you want to present as, or just take the time to not to compare yourself to what you see on the screen. The only way to do that is to impulsively buy a plane ticket to the south of France!! But, in a pinch, you can just put your phone down for a couple of hours and hit a cafe. Spend time with your sexy inner voice!

Connect to things you love

I am a firm believer that we are all made up of the shit we love. I wouldn’t be Avery without a deep obsession for cartoons, collages, and cherries (the three C’s).

Make a list of things you love and don’t question your impulses. When we think too deeply about why we like the things we do, it can get freaky, and let’s just steer clear of existentialism for a few weeks. It’ll be good for us. Find ways to connect to your loves in your day-to-day, whether that means waking up an extra 30 mins to read your favorite book or buying yourself that tasty 15 dollar cheese. 

Create more agency in your life

By now you’re hopefully feeling more like yourself and it’s time to take life by the balls (or whatever other body part you’d want to take life by! I’m not picky–neither is life). Having agency over your decisions and the spaces in your life can be exciting, powerful and give you more purpose.

Start by suggesting small things in your friend group. You could do this by speaking out when you disagree with a plan or even making the plans yourself. Try to take leadership positions when possible or speak up in a group project/ office meeting? (I’m 20, but I assume that will relate to the adult audience who business businesses all the time with their meetings about meetings.) This way you’re in control and no longer a sim. 

Remember that you are always in control unless you’re making bad decisions, then it’s definitely someone else’s fault.