#RANT: I hate being the only girl at the open mic 

I did not know how lonely it would feel to go to a mic and be the only woman. People talk about how men dominate the comedy industry, and how it’s extremely common that there will be one or NO women on a lineup. However, I mean… no one told me the experience and the feeling of being the only girl there and the loneliness that would follow. And maybe that’s because in my first month I was doing everything alone. The only time I was speaking was when I was on stage. Even at a show if you’re the only woman on the lineup, there are still women in the room. When you’re at a mic, you’re the only woman in the room. 

So there I was: telling my lil’ jokes, making fun of men in front of 20 men. 20 men who just kinda look you up and down when you walk to the back of the club, and fuck your name up when they call you. They almost bring you up like your name is a question. Kelly? Is there a … oh … Right … There she is.

I’ve gotten laughs in rooms full of men only when I’ve talked about sex. And when I say “laughs,” I mean huffs and grunts. Sounds that seem to suggest, hmp, I guess she just said “penis.” That is correct, I did! But guess what. I wanna talk about Chopped and the rest of the Food Network, and working in a restaurant and how that’s annoying! I did my hostess jokes one night, and as I got off stage, the host got back up there and said some version of “I’d probably annoy you in the restaurant because you’re too cute!” Haha ok. Now I’m uncomfortable and would like to leave!

Then these guys, these all-star! Amazing ! Comic men! Get up there and talk about how they’ve been doing comedy for 12 years. And it’s like babe, that’s not the flex you think it is. They use the mic as a dick and jerk it off. Ah, the old classic. They talk about how women will wear yoga pants (leggings) and they’re NOT going to yoga! Gasp! Joke from 2011 Twitter! How I’ve missed you!  It’s also been a month and a half of me showing up to this shit. That fun “baby you’re cute” story was at my SECOND mic. Like, bitch I will quit! But then I’m like ughhh noooo that’s what they ~want. 

These guys are sad, and angry. A guy did a set about his being a virgin and it was like sad clown vibes. Awwwww why don’t women wanna fuck me :((( And, as the only girl, I was sitting there looking at both the ceiling and the floor like I was trying not to get called on in math class. 

So for the love of God. Can we please not have rooms like this anymore? It’s weird! It’s really, actually weird when you think about it. Why is it like this?? Ohhhhh yeah because historically women haven’t held positions of power— and being on a stage, under lights, with a microphone, is a position of power. Even if you’re telling poop jokes. 


More Balanced Rooms Pls