Help! Life seems...bad? #AskAvery - GOLD Comedy - Make Funny Stuff

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Help! Life seems…bad? #AskAvery

Avery Lender Jul 18, 2022

Dear Avery,

Is it just me, or does it seem like things are, like, really bad right now? From the 100+ degree temps, lack of women’s rights, and worst of all, low-rise jeans–it seems we can’t have even one day of peace. I’m done trying to thrive in this country, any tips on how to simply survive? 

Your Friend,

USA WTF 


Dear USA WTF,

I’m gonna keep it real with you, as I always promise to do. It hasn’t been too great for the ole red white and blue.

I mean, it never really has, but at least we had distractions in the 2010s, like the rainbow loom and chevron, to keep us distracted. Now, it seems like a day can’t go by without a major historical event occurring. And it’s not even the good ones like wars ending.

I could end this article here and wish you good luck, but I would never leave you hanging, so let’s get into it. 

Ignore your problems! Kinda.

I know your mom will tell you that ignoring your problems is bad, but milk was like a dollar/gallon when she was a kid so what does she really know? And I’m not telling you to not do your homework (although we do just live on a floating ball so what does homework matter anyway), but I AM telling you to spend some time ignoring the country’s problems.

A day off Twitter won’t kill you, and telling your friends you don’t want to talk about the Israel/Palestine debate at lunch won’t make you any less hip. Yes, it is good to be informed on the news, but doomscrolling can be worse for your mental health than stalking your ex’s tagged photos. So take a few days off, and focus on yourself.

For example, when’s the last time you washed your comforter? Solve that before you get into why the American empire is coming to an end. 

Be a control freak 

To add to my earlier point, it’s time to take back the reins when it comes to your mental health. Your brain is a wild horse, and it’s time for the part of the horse movie where you tame it and win the big horse competition.

Sorry, my sister made me watch Black Beauty last night. Anyway, there are a lot of things in life that will, unfortunately, (until you become dictator of the USA) be out of your control. I can’t spend all day stressing about the fact that the white house should be pink, at this point, because I’ll probably never get the opportunity to change it.

What I can control is who I vote for, how much I walk instead of driving (because I love the planet), and treating people with kindness instead of anger.

We’re all going through it right now, might as well be nice before we’re underwater. 

Fuck it, we ball

“Fuck it, we ball” is a collection of four words that are single-handedly saving my dear generation Z from going insane.

The first part “fuck it” implies that bad things are going to happen. The “It” being the bad thing and the “Fuck” being the action done to such a terrible event.

The second part “we ball” is the bounce back, the ability to move on and be stronger. “We” signifies the community aspect and “Ball” signifies basketball, or more broadly: the comeback.

Words of affirmations are over, and “Fuck it, we ball” is the moment. 

 

I’ll see you all in the metaverse!

Love,

Avery 

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