Wonder Woman: 0/5 Stars

Wonder Woman not only barely deserves the praise it has thus far received, it barely deserved to be made at all. It was utterly unrealistic and completely devoid of well-rounded white male protagonists.

For years, Hollywood’s biggest studios have been producing original, high-caliber, male-led projects. Where would we be without The Hangover Part III, Dumb and Dumber To, and of course that compelling Fantastic Four reboot? Now unfortunately, it seems that DC is following its competitor Marvel in their quest for “PC/minority” characters, disregarding all facts that point to male dominance in almost all fields. This time, their unnecessary pandering to cries for “diversity” has cost them a quality film.

It should be clear to the audience that women are too delicate to fight crime effectively, no matter the circumstances. There’s a reason there aren’t any female soldiers fighting on the front lines in America, or at least any that have reached my computer screen, here in my stepfather’s basement apartment (I have my own door and everything). Biologically, it just makes sense that Steve Trevor should be the hero of the film, not Diana Prince. Steve, played by the fantastic and capable Chris Pine, is tragically overshadowed by Gal Gadot’s grunting hulk of a Wonder Woman throughout the film.

Wonder Woman’s disrespectful attitude towards Steve sets a bad example. I, for one, won’t be taking any daughter of mine to see it, and not just because I don’t have one. I’m not about to take my goth niece either, and not just because she doesn’t respond to the articles I forward her from deep-web Reddit. Throughout the movie, Diana disrespects her mother’s wishes, and later on, the wishes of her boyfriend, who only wants to keep her safe! Her imperviousness to any sense of authority is appalling. Diana cares not for the rules that keep women safe and threatens the very fabric of our nation in a film that glorifies both bad behavior and over-accessorizing.

Gadot herself shows no regard for safety either. She was pregnant while filming! Her callousness for the safety of her unborn children is disgusting. Imagine if every woman in our society followed her example. What kind of madness would befall our country if even our athletes and businesswomen had the gall to work while with child?

Watching the film, I found myself rooting for the Germans. At least that side had the sense to let men do the fighting. Diana should have listened to her mother and left the movies to the real superheroes. Where’s Superman when you need him? Zero stars.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy 8QS Plus, while on the toilet in my stepdad’s basement

GILLIAN ROONEY is a teenage comedian and writer based in Connecticut and an alum of GOLD Comedy’s pilot workshop series.