Help! Will I survive turkey-day 2021? #AskAvery
Dear Avery,
I’m excited to go back home for Thanksgiving, especially after not being able to celebrate last year. But, I also remember how exhausting spending time with my extended family can be. Any tips on how to survive Thanksgiving 2021?
Your friend,
Turkey Trot
Dear Turkey Trot,
As long as Thanksgiving has been around, people have wondered how the hell they’re going to spend 24 long hours with the people who know best their nerves the most. Thanksgiving happens to be one of my favorite holidays. My grandma is an amazing chef and I live, laugh, love to watch the giant balloons in the Macy’s Parade (please google the Baby Yoda balloon, if you haven’t yet).
I also know ’tis the season of the arguing with your uncles, being asked why you didn’t bring a date, and wine shortages. But, hopefully, these tips from my personal arsenal can help you make it through!
Scavenge the house for vintage finds
Everyone knows thrifted clothes and items are wayyy cooler than store-bought.
If you’re lucky, like me (brag!), your grandparents are low-key hoarders. This is the perfect time to search through their basement/garage like it’s your own personal thrift store! I’ve gotten tons of old magazines that were never thrown away, pens from when my grandpa went to science conventions, and even a dust allergy attack. This is a great time killer and who knows maybe moth-eaten shirts will be in for spring.
Get really into football
One of the great hallmarks of Thanksgiving is football being on all day, every day. I’ve always been curious why my dad and uncle are glued to the TV. They’re watching hours and hours of football games for teams they don’t even care about…But then it hits me: No one bothers them while they’re watching except to eat!
They’ve unlocked the secret to unbothered-ness, the kind of manly carefree-ness we should all aspire to. So, let’s start now! We should be taking advantage. Plop yourself on the couch and get really really into football, at least for a few hours.
Edibles
Now everyone knows about the wine-drunk aunt, but what about the edibles-high niece? It’s the only way to balance out the chakras at your Thanksgiving table. Now, I’m not here promoting drugs on Ask Avery, but sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire, vice with vice. While your drunk relatives are screaming about vaccine mandates, you can go to the zen place in your mind. In your mind, there’s a beach where everyone you know got their boosters. Plus, the food will taste, like, really good.
Live tweet to your situationship
My personal favorite on the list. You and your situationship have been hanging around a lot, but he still doesn’t really know your roots.
Since it’s way too early to bring him to the table, why not text him all day giving your play-by-plays as the disaster unfolds. He’ll finally realize what a brave woman you are for having to deal with so much bullshit. You’re welcome.
Hope this was helpful and text me if you use any of these tips. Or just text me pics of your pecan pies.
Love,
Avery