Help! Earth is dying! #AskAvery

Dear Avery,

My grandparents live in Florida and I heard the state is going to be underwater sooner than we think. The world is getting hotter, water levels are rising, and I don’t even know what goes in each recycling bin. Any advice on how to be better to Mother Earth, or maybe a place my grandparents could stay?

Your Friend,

Ain’t Easy Being Green

Dear Ain’t Easy Being Green,

Dude we are living in freaky scary environmental times. Every time I see a commercial with the penguins not having ice to dance on, I shed a tear.

I used to think it didn’t matter what I did for the Earth because I’m just one chick, but fuck it! Let’s try doing our part even if it’s clearly down to big, heartless corporations to save the planet (yikes!). Here are some green thumb tips from a girl who’s never gone camping, because I definitely am qualified to give advice here. 

Who said saving the planet can’t be sexy? I sure didn’t. One of the more trending environmental movements is….. THRIFTING! Who knew that all those TikTok stars who dive in the Goodwill bins are actually helping the planet. Fast fashion is so, so, so 2007 and vintage has never been more in.

Shein is cheap, but nothing beats the rush of finding your new favorite top in a church clothing drive. I recommend asking your parents if they have any leftovers from the 80s. You’d be surprised a) how cute the clothes are and b) how happy they will be to see their Z Cavaricci pants get a new life. (That line was for all the moms.) 

Another super sexy way to save the earth is DON’T DRIVE. I, at the age of 20, have never once driven a car. And sure some could call me ‘lazy’ and ‘stupid’ for not getting my permit, but I just don’t want to be another person emitting carbon into the air. If unfortunately, you do know how to drive, refuse to do it. You heard it here first, folks.

Hot girls now walk, bike, or make someone carry them from point a to b. Gas guzzling is lame but trucker hats are in. 

You can also help the earth by REDUCING WASTE. Now I’m not telling you to use your shower water to boil pasta, or am I? Something I learned to do is take all your veggie and meat scraps and have a broth party with all your friends.

Grab a huge pot and simmer your scraps for enough hours for everyone to get drunk. By the time you’re thoroughly wasted, it’s time for a delicious and flavorful soup. More ways to reduce waste: use Tupperware and enter your suburban mom era (it’s time), use a handkerchief instead of tissues for an even more vintage look, and (duh) invest in a nice water bottle. 

So, are you ready to be an environmental warrior? I hope today I have proved you don’t have to sacrifice sexy for saving the Earth. In fact, similarly to the temperature of the planet, it just might make you hotter.

Love,

Avery