I love being a woman, but it isn’t always so easy! This world has given me trust issues stemming from fairytales and fake pockets.
But if there’s one thing a girl can always count on, it’s her—say it with me, ladies—DIVACUP! Oh, did you think I was going to say, dad? Yeah, I have one of those! I love the guy, but even he disappoints sometimes!
My DivaCup, though? She gets it. And even though absolutely no one asked, here are four reasons why I trust my DivaCup more than my dad:
1. She’s environmentally friendly.
We love an environmentally conscious queen! My DivaCup (MDC) is doing her part to save our planet by reducing my use of plastic.
Tampons and p*ssy pampers are #wasteful, and so is my dad.
This guy always leaves the kitchen sink running but hardly ever flushes the toilet when he pees to “save water.” HUH? Turn off the water and FLUSH THE TOLIET! That’s just not friendly to MY environment!
2. You can ignore her for more than 12 hours.
What’s so great about switching over from diaper rash to DivaCup is the fact that she can last all day! I’ve done the test, so you divas don’t have to. She is so comfortable, you forget she’s even there! For up to 12 hours, I can live my life unbothered by my period, thanks to MDC.
Do you know who won’t leave me unbothered for more than 12 hours? MY DAD.
That man will call for anything, asking the craziest questions like “who can you call if you lose the TV remote?” or “why won’t you answer my friend request on Facebook?” Unlike MDC, it’s hard to ignore him because he’s my dad, and the next time we speak, he WILL guilt trip me.
3. She’s good at keeping it all together.
MDC is the queen of composure and containment. She’s good at keeping it all in. And by it, I mean my uterine lining. 12 hours, ladies!
My dad? That man can’t hold in anything. He can’t keep in his emotions or his bladder.
If he’s upset, you’ll know! If he had to pee, you’ll know—because he probably didn’t flush THE TOILET! MDC would simply not embarrass me like that.
4. She’ll never run out on you.
Unlike tampons, pads, and deadbeat dads, MDC will not run out on me.
I’m not saying that I think my dad will run out on my family; I’m just saying he has the option to, unlike MDC.
Deadbeat dads suck. Do you know what else sucks? Getting your period and having to walk to CVS to re-up on pads & tamps, praying your insides don’t drip down your leg into your sock.
MDC will never run out on me—BECAUSE SHE’S REUSABLE, BABY! She can last up to several years without replacing; this bitch has seen it all. The good, the bad, and the bloody, and no matter what, she always allows you to feel your best.
By now, you’re probably thinking, “this girl is WAY TOO CLOSE with her menstrual cup, and I think she hates her dad?” but hear me out!
Of course, I love my dad; it’s not his fault that he’s a dad. The truth is dads make mistakes—even the good ones. But MDC never fails me.
If you’re tired of tampon strings and diaper rash, you got a friend in the DivaCup. You know what they say; “once you go cup, things start looking up” ™. (Okay, nobody says that but, DIVACUP, call me if you’re reading this! Let me be your spokesperson and make my dad proud.)
Kristina (she/her) is a comedian, writer, actress, and the Community Manager at GOLD Comedy. She graduated from Emerson College with big sparkly dreams of writing and starring in her own TV show one day. Ask her about her cat or sustainable fashion and she’ll never shut up.