Totally Palatable Puns for my Queerness - GOLD Comedy - Make Funny Stuff

  • Who We Are
    • About GOLD
    • Meet some GOLDies
    • Our team
    • Write for Us
  • Classes
  • GOLD Mine
    • Resources
    • Digital Production Teams
  • Join the club

Totally Palatable Puns for my Queerness

Emily Knapp Sep 22, 2022

I love my breakfast sandwiches with eggs and bi-con.

It would be bi-larious if you could just accept that I’m gay.

Some say I am the rainbow sheep of the family.

LGBTea is my favorite type of tea.

If you asked me what dinosaur I most identify with, it’s definitely a queerasaurus

You can’t fire me! I am a queert!

The fact that you think I’m straight is bi-larious.

I’m a pansexuwhale. That’s protected under the en-gay-gered species act.

I was so nervous all I could say was “Hi! bi!”

Excuse me, good sire, I am going to need to comman-queer this boat!

What time is it? Oh, it’s a queer-ter past one.

My favorite sandwich is a bi-nini with extra bi-sil and pan-chetta.

Oh, I just love a good, hazy Bi-PA or a light, nutty wheat queer.

I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase: April showers, bring Gay flowers.

Have you tried this sushi? It’s pan-tastic.

Did you know that NYSYNC made a song called, “Bi, Bi, Bi”?

Isn’t Pan-gea the coolest?

Wow, thank you for asking! My sweater is made out of pansexuwool.

Hello, yes, I would like to make a queery into my recent order.

This above all; to bi own self be true.


Emily Knapp is a Colorado-based writer and comedian. She is originally from Chicago but fled west because she really likes seeing the sun in February. Her writing has been featured in McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Points in Case, Weekly Humorist, Button Poetry, and other places on the internet. You can find her in the mountains writing, hiking, running, or skiing. If she’s not doing any of that, she is 100% eating tacos. You can follow her writing at emilyknappwriter.com.

Related Articles

  • Late-night is not dead

  • Please Don’t Destroy is out. Who will be SNL’s next shorts team?

  • Sketch comedy is everywhere… except where it should be

  • 25 Comedians to Watch in 2025

Subscribe to Tight Five, our free weekly newsletter with comedy tips, funny reads, and entertaining reccos.

← Previous Post
Next Post →

Recent Articles

  • Late-night is not dead

    Sep 09, 2025
  • Please Don’t Destroy is out. Who will be SNL’s next shorts team?

    Sep 05, 2025
  • Sketch comedy is everywhere… except where it should be

    Aug 13, 2025
View All

Recent How-tos

  • How to Nail Character Acting for Camera: 5 Rules Every Comedian (and Actor) Should Steal

    Oct 03, 2025
  • How to direct a comedy sketch: 5 essential tips

    Sep 24, 2025
  • Thumbnails and more: 6 tricks to get your video more views

    Sep 19, 2025
View All

Recent Q&As

  • Laura Dellis stopped waiting for others to see her

    Oct 01, 2025
  • Hilary Campbell, AKA “Toons”

    Sep 24, 2025
  • Rebecca Kaplan has a healthy self-esteem

    Sep 17, 2025
View All

Want to write for our site?

Send a resume, cover letter, and writing sample to info(at)goldcomedy.com. In your cover letter please tell us about something that always cracks you up.

  • © 2025 GOLD Comedy
  • Scholarships
  • Coaching
  • Give GOLD
  • Why comedy
  • Contact Us

Privacy Policy Terms of Service

Site by The Hot Brain & The Big Smoke