We’ve all been there: it’s 12 o’clock and you’re taking a lunch break. You open the fridge, make yourself a sandwich, and sit down at the table to eat. And then… It happens.
Your dog slowly makes his way towards you, pathetic as ever. With that fluffy face and those big, sweetie eyes, he looks up at you with a look that says, “Dude, I am totally STARVING.”
You pause for a moment. Wait…Did you feed him breakfast? You did, right? Is this dog actually gaslighting you? Or… Is he just hungry?
Take the quiz to find out if your dog is hungry or problematic.
Question 1: What does his food bowl look like?
A. It’s empty. 🙁
B. There’s a couple of kibbles left in there.
Question 2: Do you specifically remember watching him eat?
Question 3: Is “In The Arms of An Angel” by Sarah McLaughlin playing softly in the background?
A. Definitely not, I don’t want to cry all day.
B. You know, now that you mention it, my dog DID just upgrade to Spotify Premium…
Question 4: Just how cute does his tiny, dumb, fluffy face look right now?
A. So cute.
B. So cute.
Question 5: How big would you say his puppy-dog eyes are?
A. Big, but no more than normal.
B. I feel like he is staring into my soul.
Question 6: What is the most problematic thing your dog has done, as of late?
A. He pooped in my shoes when I forgot to give him his morning treat.
B. Remember how I said he got Spotify Premium? Yeah, he’s a Joe Rogan fan, now.
Question 7: What is the last thing he said to you?
B. “You seriously didn’t give me a treat. You always do this. You sound so crazy right now.”
Question 8: Are you two in couples’ counseling currently?
A. No, he is a dog.
B. Yes, we’ve been having trouble communicating.
Question 9: What are the power dynamics of your relationship?
A. I mean… He is a dog? And I am his owner?
B. I don’t know. In public, he’s amazing, but behind closed doors, it’s like I have a different dog.
Question 10: What do your friends and family think about your relationship with your dog?
A. They love him and his cute face!
B. They think we’re too close… To the point where it’s unhealthy.
Mostly As: You forgot to feed him, you MONSTER.
Do you SEE his cute face?! The EMPTY BOWL? You have a WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP with him and you are BLOWING IT.
Just kidding. He is a dog, and he will love you no matter what. But go feed him. Maybe give him a few extra treats tonight to tell him that you’re sorry.
Mostly Bs: He is GASLIGHTING YOU!
That sneaky devil. He thinks that since he’s cute, he can get away with anything, right? Of course. Typical man.
…But just in case, maybe go ahead and feed him. He’s pretty cute, after all, and we’ve already forgiven him.
Equal As/Bs: Tough call!
Just because your dog has exhibited problematic behavior in the past doesn’t mean that he’s a bad boy. Maybe it’s time to double up on therapy sessions to determine why your dog feels like he needs to lie to you to fulfill his needs.
But also, maybe go top off his bowl. He’s a hungry boy! He’s gotta grow big and strong so he can play!
Sam Welch is a writer, comedian, and storyteller. She lives in Los Angeles with her little dog, Toto.
Born and raised in small-town Ennis, MT, Sam Welch has had the opportunity to work with various brands during her career and has amassed a level of experience that few have. Sam brings the ability to create compelling copy and has the skillsets necessary to make that content work harder for you. Through SEO and strategic customer interaction, providing results and action, she has helped brands like Express execute marketing and communications plans. Her portfolio includes creating monthly content for brands and lines averaging over $1M revenue. While Sam has created and curated a wide array of content, she genuinely enjoys performing in stand-up comedy in clubs and competitions across the Midwest and California