Help! Real Resolution Remodel #AskAvery

Dear Avery,

It’s 2022, I guess. My lack of excitement comes from the fact that my epic New Year’s party turned into quarantining with my family and Champagne (that I couldn’t even taste).

But I still want to make 2022 the best year ever, as long as a comet doesn’t hit the Earth ala Don’t Look Up. So my question for you is: what are some good resolutions to make and how do I stick with them?

Your Friend,

Resolution Ready

Dear Resolution Ready,

I have been so excited for the new year, but only to write an AA about new year’s resolutions. Resolutions are like COVID, as they take over your life for about 7 days before leaving them behind.

But if you want to stick with them, and make your resolutions into habits, as always, you’ve come to the right place. I will first break down how to keep your resolutions all year long (or your money back) and then some examples of resolutions so you don’t need to add ‘go on a long spiritual journey and find the meaning of life to your list.

Let’s dive in:

How to keep your resolutions

Everyone knows the worst day to go to the gym is January 1st. Not because that’s when all the gym bros go (unfortunately that’s every day) but because it is so crowded with people who have classically put “work out more!!!!” on their resolutions list.

The best day to go to the gym? January 5th when 60% of people have given up. Most people’s resolutions are huge lifestyle changes like working out EVERY day, NEVER eating candy EVER AGAIN, or FINDING my long-lost son (his name is Rendal, but he answers to Jim).

Unfortunately, we are not snakes who shed our skin on December 31st and become a whole new person when the clock strikes midnight. At 12:01, we are pretty much the same, albeit drunk, versions of ourselves. The key to making resolutions that stick are making small, obtainable goals.

Personally, I think you’re pretty amazing just the way you are and don’t need a dramatic rebrand. Remember we are people, not products, not until the metaverse. 

Resolution ideas

So I made a personal list of resolutions, some of which are mine, that you can select a few from. Start with 3 and see how it goes. You got this. 

  1. Call your grandparents once a week
  2. Eat one fruit a day  
  3. Write in a journal from time to time
  4. Go to an open mic once a week (see AA on How to Survive an Open Mic for more tips!)
  5. Find new music
  6. Take yourself out on a date once a month
  7. Learn a curse word in a new language 
  8. Get really good at a useless skill (ball in cup game for example)
  9. Learn how to do the worm 
  10. Finally start your youtube account and make dumb videos in your free time
  11. Try a new food every 2 weeks 
  12. Get your bartending license 
  13. Watch a new comedy special every Thursday night (see Gold’s list for comics to watch in 2022)

If you use any of these ideas, let me know! Have a fucking amazing year and I’ll see you lovely people next week.