Help! I’m neatly freaky! #AskAvery

Dear Avery,

One of my new year’s resolutions was to declutter my space. Yes, I like having my things, but it’s gotten to the point where I forgot what color my floor is. Maybe brown? Do you have any advice on cleaning up and throwing out without having my room lose its spark?

Your Friend, 

Freak Neat

Dear Freak Neat,

I feel like my mom may have ghostwritten (ghost-wrote?) this question so later she can be like “See Avery, you DO know how to clean your room.’ But nonetheless if its advice you need I have to provide. The good news is this might be an opportunity to make some CASH MONEYYY by getting rid of things you haven’t used in years. So let’s Marie Kondo this shit out without the separation anxiety. 


If you’re like me, you have ‘the chair’ that is always filled with half dirty clothes.

If you’re like me, you have the urge to buy every funny T-shirt you see at a thrift store

If you’re like me, your closet cannot contain the cotton-clad beast you’ve created.

But luckily, we are in the golden age of selling-back clothes. It’s easier than ever and will help you afford to order food on UberEats. What a time to be alive!

Some helpful apps might be Depop or Ebay. If you’re fancy (or desperate for ways around actually shipping your own clothes), there’s always ThreadUP, too.

Just snap a pic of that dress you never wear, think of a worthy price and post. You could also finally utilize Instagram for good (not evil) and post pics of your clothes for your friends to buy off you (and minimize delivery). My clothes are my babies too, but sometimes that ‘Nerds are Hot’ shirt needs to leave the nest. 


Paper Goods

Do you get Jewish guilt if you throw away a birthday card your Grandma gave you in 4th grade? Me too.

But unfortunately, your room can only hold so much paper before it becomes a fire hazard (and candles are just too good to let go). Get all your little paper items and throw them on the floor. Make a designated box for items you would want your kids to find one day and realize how cool their mom was.

Love letters from exes (that you haven’t already burned) movie stubs, manifestos, etc. Don’t feel guilty about throwing anything else away, cards are more about the feeling you get reading them, not holding on to them forever. I promise if you just call your Grandma once a week the guilt will balance out. 


Other Misc Items

If you are lucky enough to see my Hinge profile, you’ll see that the secret to getting my heart is ‘giving my tchotchkes.’ Weird little items make me happy, and I’ve gone years repressing the fact that gift-giving is my love language after all. The point of getting rid of things isn’t getting rid of what makes you you, but getting rid of the not-you parts.

As long as it looks cute on a shelf, and doesn’t make your room totally suck, keep that Mcdonalds toy you got that drunken night with your new best friends. Hey, if it sparks joy, Kondo says it can stay and that’s good enough for me.