Help! How do I deal with Yubo boys? #AskAvery
Meet Avery. She has 8 years experience as a comedian and 7 years experience as a teenager—and she is here to A your toughest Qs about comedy, family, romance, school, and the meaning of life (maybe). Got a problem you can’t solve or a goal you need help meeting? Ask Avery by DMing @GOLDComedy or emailing info+askavery@gmail.com.
Dear Avery,
Thoughts on meeting up with Yubo boys?
Signed,
Yubae?
Dear Yubae?,
I had to do some research for this question, as I thought Yubo was a cult, or a new STD. Unfortunately it’s worse than both of those combined. To educate the older audiences, and please, anyone who is not allowed within 15 feet of a school, stop reading. Yubo is a social networking app where teens can find friendships, aka a dating app for kids. Let that sink in. Dating app. For kids.
Now, I don’t want to pass judgment. I myself have engaged in a few, how do I say, less than genius encounters. One time a guy offered to buy my bed frame on Facebook Marketplace, but took my kidney instead. And he never texted me back after our date. It’s hard meeting up virtually because the face on the screen might not equal the face you see IRL.
I don’t want you to get in that situation, organless and ghosted, so let me give you a few REAL tips on how to see if a given online Yubro is really all that he seems to be.
1.FACETIME BEFORE!!!! I should get a gold medal for coming up with this strategy. Unless your man is a shapeshifter (in which case, score, you’ll never get bored of his face) he won’t be able to pull off a FaceTime call without exposing his real self.
2. MEET UP IN PUBLIC. I know, the pictures he sent you of his indoor waterslide do look appealing. But also a reverse Google image search will tell you that’s just a pic of the Great Wolf Lodge (NOT SPONSORED). Have him take you to the park, to a coffee shop, or to the police station to get a full background check. Any of those are great options.
3. TELL A FRIEND WHERE YOU’LL BE. What an opportunity to flex on your girlfriends, that YOU have a date. I also recommend having an escape plan. Text your friend SOS if he says he forgives Louis C.K., or any other dealbreakers, and she can test out her improv comedy skills making up a situation where she desperately needs you ASAP. Dog dying is so cliche, maybe she instead is about to win $1 million in Wheel of Fortune and needs you to bring her a lucky scrunchie.
These three expert tips will ensure that you can safely meet up with strangers from apps. I know this seems like an oxymoron, but also don’t call me a moron.
Hope you fall in love, or at least get some stand-up material.
Avery
