This heat wave is making me feel like the wicked witch of the West (because I’m melting, get it?). How the fuck are we supposed to stay cool when the world is melting and how to I keep my cool when the weather makes me angry?
Dear Hot Headed,
Is it hot in here, or did Gen X screw our generation over by not taking global warming seriously? Hot Headed, I am with you. It is pretty much insufferable to be outside nowadays. And for those inside, well, as The New York Times actually printed in their recent issue, “Those without air conditioner will not feel relief.” With the heat comes loud, in-the-street break ups, wanting the teenagers on the subway to shut the fuck up and just a general annoyance with the human race. But luckily, as a certified cool girl, here’s my advice on dealing with hell on earth.
Don’t start an argument until you’re in the AC
You know how when you yell at your mom she reminds you you haven’t eaten lunch yet? That’s being hangry, and the same rules apply for air conditioning. There have been times where I have really wanted to give the slow walkers of NY a piece of my mind, but then I remind myself that they don’t suck, I’m just experiencing heat stroke. So before you accuse your boyfriend of cheating for ordering from Wendy’s (why are you calling another woman?) wait until you’ve cooled off.
Fanography (noun) is a style of dance popular in the drag community that involves using a handheld fan as an accessory. For those who suffered the heat at NYC pride, and still have the sunburns to prove it, you know that a fan is simply the only cute accessory that also keeps you cool. Sure, you could buy a handheld electronic fan, but where’s the cool vintage Victorian woman in that? Time to be in your renaissance era.
Winter is coming
As someone who is way meaner in the cold than the heat, I have to constantly remind myself that the cold is way worse than the heat. In the summer, you can wear shorts, eat all the ice cream you want, and not have to trudge in the snow to see your sneaky link. There is a lot to be grateful for in this heat, and as a Jew, I’m especially grateful to be able to complain about it.
Hope the eggs you fry on the sidewalk are sunny side up!