Help! How do I mix foods to make a meal? #AskAvery - GOLD Comedy - Make Funny Stuff

  • Who We Are
    • About GOLD
    • Meet some GOLDies
    • Our team
    • Write for Us
  • Classes
  • GOLD Mine
    • Resources
    • Digital Production Teams
  • Join the club

Help! How do I mix foods to make a meal? #AskAvery

Avery Lender Jan 24, 2022

Dear Avery, 

I’ve been ordering takeout every night for the past month. The Doordash, Grubhub, and Ubereats delivery people see me more than my boyfriend. Yes, the $20 lo mein delivered straight to my door is tasty and convenient, but those bills are starting to pile up.

Any advice on how to make the change to, ugh, cooking?

Your Friend,

Chef Boyaremyarmstired


Dear Chef Boyaremyarmstired,

I’ve been there many times. In fact, I just got back from my night class and now I’m staring at the stove and the fridge thinking “Am I really about to make tacos right now?” After a long day of the daily grind, it can be hard to motivate oneself to dramatically turn into Remy from Ratatouille.

However, as a not-chef with the ability to throw food items together into something sustainable, I can offer a few words of advice. Now, throw your apron on, and let’s get started:

Shop the basics

So, the first step in cooking is… I guess actually buying the ingredients. I am BIG at fault for going to the grocery store and only buying snacks. Then, when dinner time rolls around, the pantry is empty except for Pirate Booty (IYKYK) and a clove of garlic. Not exactly Gordon Ramsey approved.

When going grocery shopping, you don’t have to plan out everything you’re going to cook. But, try to pick out foods that are adaptable. Pasta and bread, chicken and tofu, veggies, sauces, etc. This way you’ll be able to implement the ‘Throw that shit together’ technique from later in this article.

Freezer = friend 

Oh yeah, one more thing about grocery shopping.

Think about when the pilgrims came to fuck shit up on the Mayflower. They had to put all their meats and veggies in SALT to keep them preserved. Imagine eating beef jerky for 6 months straight…couldn’t be me.

Luckily scientists at NASA (or whatever) blessed us with a device called the freezer. Nothing kills my Jewish heart more than throwing out groceries gone bad because I didn’t use them in time. However, things pretty much last forever in the freezer.

Trader Joe’s does freezer well. I recommend getting things like frozen vegetables, rice, dumplings, chicken, etc. You will not find an easier meal.

THROW THAT SHIT TOGETHER

Now that you bought your ingredients, it’s time to cook.

The easiest way to make a meal is by combining a carb with a protein with a vegetable with a sauce with a glass of white wine (semi-optional).

Some basic examples are pasta + chicken + broccoli + alfredo, corn tortilla + beans + peppers + salsa, rice + tofu + frozen stir fry + soy sauce. You get the picture. This is a foolproof formula, patent-pending.

Once you figure out what flavors you enjoy, the world is your delicious food oyster from there. 

 

So that’s the secret to cooking unlocked. You’re welcome. And when it comes down to it, order that takeout once in a while because you deserve it. 

Love,

Avery 

Related Articles

  • How to Nail Character Acting for Camera: 5 Rules Every Comedian (and Actor) Should Steal

  • How to direct a comedy sketch: 5 essential tips

  • Thumbnails and more: 6 tricks to get your video more views

  • How to write better dialogue: 10 essential rules

Subscribe to Tight Five, our free weekly newsletter with comedy tips, funny reads, and entertaining reccos.

← Previous Post
Next Post →

Recent Articles

  • Late-night is not dead

    Sep 09, 2025
  • Please Don’t Destroy is out. Who will be SNL’s next shorts team?

    Sep 05, 2025
  • Sketch comedy is everywhere… except where it should be

    Aug 13, 2025
View All

Recent How-tos

  • How to Nail Character Acting for Camera: 5 Rules Every Comedian (and Actor) Should Steal

    Oct 03, 2025
  • How to direct a comedy sketch: 5 essential tips

    Sep 24, 2025
  • Thumbnails and more: 6 tricks to get your video more views

    Sep 19, 2025
View All

Recent Q&As

  • Camille Hugh fights for indie film

    Oct 07, 2025
  • Laura Dellis stopped waiting for others to see her

    Oct 01, 2025
  • Hilary Campbell, AKA “Toons”

    Sep 24, 2025
View All

Want to write for our site?

Send a resume, cover letter, and writing sample to info(at)goldcomedy.com. In your cover letter please tell us about something that always cracks you up.

  • © 2025 GOLD Comedy
  • Scholarships
  • Coaching
  • Give GOLD
  • Why comedy
  • Contact Us

Privacy Policy Terms of Service

Site by The Hot Brain & The Big Smoke