Help! Boysboysboysboys! #AskAvery

Dear Avery,

I find myself totally obsessed with boys. When I wake up I think about boys. All-day, I wait for texts back and refresh Instagram. I’m worried I’m losing my whole personality. Any tips on how to get over my boy craziness?

Your Friend,

Vitamin D Deficiency 

Dear Vitamin D Deficiency,

Wow, did I submit a question to myself in my sleep? My sleep typing abilities are really improving.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where boy craziness is looked down upon, and ‘playing hard to get’ is the cool thing to do. I’m waiting for the call where I get to redo society, but until then we, the hyper-fixation-ladies, will have to figure out another plan.

So here’s some advice I’m giving to you (but also me and also every person) about itching for intimacy:

Give yourself 5 minutes of “crazy”

I know there will never be a time when I will fully lose this part of my brain. You know what I mean… that feminine instinct to check if his snap score has gone up, or to turn into FBI agents when he posts with another girl.

That instinct has been around since cavewoman-times and it’s not going away anytime soon. So, I ration my own craziness, just like season one of Lost.

Set a timer and give yourself 5 minutes to just act up. Check his tagged photos, swipe on Tinder till your fingers cramp, re-read your text convos with an ex. Then when the timer stops, put that phone away and go do something productive. This might not seem like enough time, but I promise it’s more than plenty. 

Fake detachment

Some people are born with natural aloofness but the rest of us normal people have to pretend. We pretend we don’t care when we clearly do.

Nothing feels longer than waiting for a text back from your crush. Instead of staring at your phone, waiting and waiting and waiting, go hang out with a homie and talk about anything besides guys.

Bonus if you leave the house without your phone for a whole day, like in the 80s! If you fake detachment long enough, maybe you actually will start feeling like yourself again (or trick him into thinking you’re super cool and busy and hot) whatever works. 

Look hot

Ok, my last tip is a classic. Put on that new outfit and get all done up and do the damn photoshoot! Even if HE doesn’t message you, your friends and other suitors will. Remind yourself that you’re HOT and shouldn’t have to deal with pleebs that don’t make you their first priority!!!! That’s a reminder to you and me. Love you!

Love,

Avery